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Differences Between Me & My Dog: The Bathroom Edition

[Cross-posted from Vox.]

1. I do not feel compelled to sniff, examine or otherwise
contemplate the output of my friends or of strangers whose paths I may
I'm really quite clear on this. There is no information to
be gleaned from such examinations that I can't live quite well without.

2. I do not need to search out and carefully select the "perfect" spot to do my business.
In fact, my apartment has two perfect spots for me. I've noticed that
most of my friends, my workplace, and most public locations have quite
good places for this as well. Granted, it is possible that I may select
a preferred spot for hygienic or olfactory reasons.

3. To my knowledge, my output is not carefully saved for, er, posterity in plastic bags. At least, I certainly hope it isn't.

4. The wind does not blow my pee onto my foot where it then freezes instantly, causing me to frown and whine. This appears to be a seasonal problem. For the record, my dog appears to be pro-global warming.

5. I prefer to engage in this kind of activity alone and in private.
My dog, on the other hand, has no sense of personal space, boundaries,
or privacy with regard to relieving herself or, indeed, with regard to
her compadres relieving themselves. In fact, she has been known to
observe other dogs, at extremely close range, in the midst of
their bathroom activities. After such encounters, I've been known to
ensure that she gets a good scrub down.

6. I have no memory of EVER being praised effusively ("what a good girl!") upon completing my bathroom routine. This is possibly because I take great pains to have no one else in the room at the time (ref. point #5).

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