[Cross-posted from Vox.]
Tonight was the five-year class reunion for my MBA class.
It feels a tad fradulent, me going to these things. (Me and my ever lasting identity crisies … but I digress … ). There we are in an opulent building, eating opulent appetizers and hearing about a $50M “gift” to the school of business to (drumroll) … double the size of the school of business. Isn’t that exciting?!? (ggrrr …)
The event had two parts. At first, all the guests mingled together. The school organizes the reunions to run in five-year segments, so all the x2 and x7 graduates, going back 40+ years, were all together in the
atrium. Lots of white hair and white guys in suits. Next, we split off into our cohorts for dinner.
Our little cluster, the 2002 cohort, is considerably more diverse, although my buddies J and C and I
were the only women who showed up from our class. In total, about 10 of us were there from our class. We started with a part-time group of 60 students in 1999 and, as I recall, we were the first class to achieve
50/50 gender equity. Several of our profs were there and they seemed to gravitate towards us. One came and ate dinner with us, saying that our cohort was his favourite ever – he toasted us at the beginning of the
meal. (Maybe they all say that …) The official photographer for the evening said that we were the happiest and cheeriest of all the groups she was going around and snapping.
All that was very nice … but I noticed different things. None of us had any blackberry-like devices or, if they were present, they weren’t consulted. We listened to each other and laughed with each other. I remembered all these weird dudes and their quirks – and then I remembered what good people they were. One of us works for a cancer research centre (the same one Ahhnold visited yesterday) and is running the business end of things there. One of them works at a very high level of management for our power generation grid – yes, he gets paid well, but he also is trying to manage more electricity with fewer resources. He is also one of the
nicest, nicest men you’d ever want to meet. Another fellow, possessed of both an MBA and a P.Eng, runs his own home renovation and design company and LOVES what he does. He has done a number of renos for another classmate who raved about his work, esp. the level of precision, detail and passion.
(Aside: I was really hoping to see Totally Amazing Guy With Beautiful Eyes there but apparently he couldn’t make it. OK – I think my credentials are pretty clear on where I stand about who I’m normally attracted to …Â but this fellow is a real gem of a human being (with lovely eyes) … well, as the saying goes, I would cross the street in a heartbeat for TAGWBE. Maybe he’ll be at the next reunion in five years … )
I don’t know what I thought when I signed up for the MBA in 1999. I thought I’d hold my breath for four years so as to not pollute myself with toxic, anti-human motives. I realized I didn’t have to. People use their skills in a myriad of ways. It was a good night.
This phrase, “out of sorts”, originates from manual type-setting. A “sort” is one of the molded-lead letters or characters that a typesetter would insert into the machine to be coated in ink and pressed against paper. To be “out of sorts” means you have run out of a particular letter or character. Not the end of the world, but not convenient or productive.
And this is me right now.
The following thought occurs to me – it is not my original thought, but I am pleased to have it drawn to my attention from time to time. Particularly at times like this. “Out” lesbians are, by definition, non-conformists*. We have had practice, at a deep level, at breaking the most basic of societal norms. Try coming out to your mother who is expecting a son-in-law and grandchildren whose cheeks she can pinch, or your boyfriend who is expecting marriage, and suddenly living outside the rules in other ways seems less of a problem. We tend to live on the outside, looking in.
Next, try being a lesbian who also identifies as feminist who also identifies as an entrepreneur. See, in
my apparently twisted mind, I believe women’s empowerment and freedom is rooted in economic stability. If a woman can, independently, earn enough to support herself, then she gets to make her own choices,
including choosing where and with whom to live (if anyone). I thought, again in my twisted way, that being independent and stable – and helping others to become so as well – was A Good Thing.
As it turns out, it is a lonely thing. There are a handful of people who “get it” and a lot of funny and, frankly, deeply disapproving looks from people who are more rule-bound than me, from feminists, from socialists, from capitalists, from straight suburban women, and from the birkenstock lesbians who think I should be less independent and more of a communal team player. Why not use my skills to “better humanity”, they ask?
Well, I kinda thought I was helping as an instructor @ a college. I also think simply not being a burden on
the system, or my family, or another person, is somewhat of a statement. I remember, about 10 years ago, attending a trade show with a group of employees of the program I managed. The program was sponsored by Industry Canada, private businesses and the college that I am currently employed by. This program had two objectives:
a) Hire and train college/university students and recent graduates to help small and medium-sized businesses get on the Internet (we hired and launched 210 student advisors in the 3.5 years I was there);
b) Get as many small and medium sized businesses on the Internet as possible (our office hooked up over 3500 businesses in 3.5 years)
So, there I was at this trade show, with about 10 awkward, geeky but nicely dressed young people. About half of them had English as a first language. The rest were terrified to speak with any business owners,
one-on-one. I had trained them and coached them but now it was up to them.
That same day, a handful of my “friends” were coming to the show for their own reasons. These were people who had heard me describe my job, but had really no clue what I did. They dropped by our display area to find a bunch of busy young people engaging with very keen business people. As I was chatting with my friends, and standing back and keeping an eye on things, the students kept coming over – one by one – and waving appointment cards at me, smiling, and saying “I did it!” Some of them hugged me. After a few of these, one of my “friends” looked at me, quizzically, and said, “Venus, they really love you!” Myfriend was clearly shocked. She thought my job title was “Project Manager”, which she interpreted as “slave-driver capitalist pig”, I think. I was angry at her level of surprise, and at her clear assumptions about my vocation at the time.
The truth is that I’ve attempted to apply my business and technology skills in non-profit situations and it has been disasterous. A culture clash of the highest order. I guess I apply the same twisted thinking to non-profits as I do to women: economic stability = freedom and choice. I find the kind of good management that leads to economic stability in non-profits to be sorely lacking, and I have found my attempts to encourage it to be soundly re-buffed. I concede that my attempts may have been insensitive
to the vastly different “culture” but, in truth, it is the “let’s just feel good about what we are doing” mentality that breeds a lack of attention to fiscal health. I have found out that a single individual cannot change group mind-set.
Q: How many people does it take to change a group dynamic?
A: Most of the power-brokers, and they have to want to change.
There is a Rita Mae Brown quote that I’m particularly fond of … The problem with conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself. The dilemma of the non-conformist is the lack of a specific peer group. We can be chameleons and assume a pleasing demeanor that gets us through various situations – but the feeling of truly fitting in is so rare. I remember this from high school, in a way, when I was in two bands (concert and stage/jazz), drama club, editing the school newspaper, in a choir, playing softball and hockey, teaching music and generally trying to get decent grades. Not enough of a jock to feel included in the horseplay, not geeky enough to pass with the pocket-pen protector crowd, not an academic high-achiever, not fully an artsy person. Not completely fitting any mold.
Last week, a techie guy was at my place solving several pressing computer issues for me. He did a great
job – and he kept eying my Spanish flamenco guitar on its stand near the computer. I noticed how his nails were trimmed and I said, “Do you play classical guitar?” and he said, “Yes, and I’d LOVE to try your
guitar.” He was a wonderful player. I could have listened to him all day. He finally confessed that he has his own recording studio and actually trained as an audio technician before becoming a computer
geek. He showed me his website for his studio and it is very impressive. Next, he noted the framed photo of Joni Mitchell on the wall and asked about it, too. Turns out he is also a professional photographer … and I thought “Eureka! … Another one!” Jack of all trades, master of none! Except – he actually seems to be master of all, which is quite amazing.
Thus, at the moment, I am “out of sorts”. Out of energy for being the various people I’m supposed to be
in order to have some semblance of a peer group at all. I’m sure I’ll gather my sorts back up again and trundle back out into the world and find ways to fit in. But it feels hard right now, like I’ve been doing
it for too long.
*By stating this, I do not mean to imply that lesbians are the only folks to qualify as non-conformists. This just happens to be my version.
This phrase, "out of sorts", originates from manual type-setting. A "sort" is one of the molded-lead letters or characters that a typesetter would insert into the machine to be coated in ink and pressed against paper. To be "out of sorts" means you have run out of a particular letter or character. Not the end of the world, but not convenient or productive.
And this is me right now.
The following thought occurs to me – it is not my original thought, but I am pleased to have it drawn to my attention from time to time. Particularly at times like this. "Out" lesbians are, by definition, non-conformists*. We have had practice, at a deep level, at breaking the most basic of societal norms. Try coming out to your mother who is expecting a son-in-law and grandchildren whose cheeks she can pinch, or your boyfriend who is expecting marriage, and suddenly living outside the rules in other ways seems less of a problem. We tend to live on the outside, looking in.
Next, try being a lesbian who also identifies as feminist who also identifies as an entrepreneur. See, in my apparently twisted mind, I believe women's empowerment and freedom is rooted in economic stability. If a woman can, independently, earn enough to support herself, then she gets to make her own choices, including choosing where and with whom to live (if anyone). I thought, again in my twisted way, that being independent and stable – and helping others to become so as well – was A Good Thing.
As it turns out, it is a lonely thing. There are a handful of people who "get it" and a lot of funny and, frankly, deeply disapproving looks from people who are more rule-bound than me, from feminists, from socialists, from capitalists, from straight suburban women, and from the birkenstock lesbians who think I should be less independent and more of a communal team player. Why not use my skills to "better humanity", they ask?
Well, I kinda thought I was helping as an instructor @ a college. I also think simply not being a burden on the system, or my family, or another person, is somewhat of a statement. I remember, about 10 years ago, attending a trade show with a group of employees of the program I managed. The program was sponsored by Industry Canada, private businesses and the college that I am currently employed by. This program had two objectives:
a) Hire and train college/university students and recent graduates to help small and medium-sized businesses get on the Internet (we hired and launched 210 student advisors in the 3.5 years I was there);
b) Get as many small and medium sized businesses on the Internet as possible (our office hooked up over 3500 businesses in 3.5 years)
So, there I was at this trade show, with about 10 awkward, geeky but nicely dressed young people. About half of them had English as a first language. The rest were terrified to speak with any business owners, one-on-one. I had trained them and coached them but now it was up to them.
That same day, a handful of my "friends" were coming to the show for their own reasons. These were people who had heard me describe my job, but had really no clue what I did. They dropped by our display area to find a bunch of busy young people engaging with very keen business people. As I was chatting with my friends, and standing back and keeping an eye on things, the students kept coming over – one by one – and waving appointment cards at me, smiling, and saying "I did it!" Some of them hugged me. After a few of these, one of my "friends" looked at me, quizzically, and said, "Venus, they really love you!" My friend was clearly shocked. She thought my job title was "Project Manager", which she interpreted as "slave-driver capitalist pig", I think. I was angry at her level of surprise, and at her clear assumptions about my vocation at the time.
The truth is that I've attempted to apply my business and technology skills in non-profit situations and it has been disasterous. A culture clash of the highest order. I guess I apply the same twisted thinking to non-profits as I do to women: economic stability = freedom and choice. I find the kind of good management that leads to economic stability in non-profits to be sorely lacking, and I have found my attempts to encourage it to be soundly re-buffed. I concede that my attempts may have been insensitive to the vastly different "culture" but, in truth, it is the "let's just feel good about what we are doing" mentality that breeds a lack of attention to fiscal health. I have found out that a single individual cannot change group mind-set.
Q: How many people does it take to change a group dynamic?
A: Most of the power-brokers, and they have to want to change.
There is a Rita Mae Brown quote that I'm particularly fond of … The problem with conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself. The dilemma of the non-conformist is the lack of a specfic peer group. We can be chameleons and assume a pleasing demeanor that gets us through various situations – but the feeling of truly fitting in is so rare. I remember this from high school, in a way, when I was in two bands (concert and stage/jazz), drama club, editing the school newspaper, in a choir, playing softball and hockey, teaching music and generally trying to get decent grades. Not enough of a jock to feel included in the horseplay, not geeky enough to pass with the pocket-pen protector crowd, not an academic high-achiever, not fully an artsy person. Not completely fitting any mold.
Last week, a techie guy was at my place solving several pressing computer issues for me. He did a great job – and he kept eying my Spanish flamenco guitar on its stand near the computer. I noticed how his nails were trimmed and I said, "Do you play classical guitar?" and he said, "Yes, and I'd LOVE to try your guitar." He was a wonderful player. I could have listened to him all day. He finally confessed that he has his own recording studio and actually trained as an audio technician before becoming a computer geek. He showed me his website for his studio and it is very impressive. Next, he noted the framed photo of Joni Mitchell on the wall and asked about it, too. Turns out he is also a professional photographer … and I thought "Eureka! … Another one!" Jack of all trades, master of none! Except – he actually seems to be master of all, which is quite amazing.
Thus, at the moment, I am "out of sorts". Out of energy for being the various people I'm supposed to be in order to have some semblance of a peer group at all. I'm sure I'll gather my sorts back up again and trundle back out into the world and find ways to fit in. But it feels hard right now, like I've been doing it for too long.
*By stating this, I do not mean to imply that lesbians are the only folks to qualify as non-conformists. This just happens to be my version.
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*** THE EVERYTHING TEST ***
PERSONALITY
You are more emotional than logical, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more atheist than religious, more loner than dependent, more workaholic than lazy, more rebel than traditional, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.
As for specific personality traits, you are outgoing (100%), innovative (93%), adventurous (69%).
STEREOTYPES
Old Geezer (100%)
Prep (85%)
Punk Rock (60%)
LIFE EXPERIENCE
Sex (42%)
Substances (5%)
Travel (32%)
POLITICS
Your political views would best be described as Liberal, whom you agree with around 71% of the time.
SOCIOECONOMIC
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Upper Class. You make more than 98% of those who have taken this test, and 62% more than the U.S. average.
If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13. By the way, your hottness rank is 55%, hotter than 29% of other test takers.
TAKE THE TEST
Old Geezer ???
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I must love these things … I hereby tag anyone who reads this and wants to play … this one was harder than I expected.
three physical things you like about yourself:
hair, shoulders, hands
three physical things you don't like about yourself:
double-chin, tummy, butt
three things that scare you:
someone breaking into my home, a beloved person or pet being injured or killed in an accident, falling from a tall building
three of your favorite musical artists:
Beatles, Jane Siberry, Eric Clapton
three of your favorite songs:
only three? Is that possible?
Picture in a Frame (Tom Waits, covered by Suzie Vinnick); Book of Love (covered by Patricia O'Callaghan), This Is The Night (Lynn Miles)
three things you want in a relationship:
humour, truthfulness, not too many layers between superficial and substance
three lies and truths in no particular order
LIES:
There is a lid for every pot.
Love means never having to say you are sorry. (gag)
Hockey is only for boys.
TRUTHS:
Love is not everything, but it sure makes the journey easier.
Perception is reality.
I get to choose my point of view.
three physical things about sexy people that appeal to you:
Lively eyes
A "real" smile
Curves
three of your favorite hobbies:
hockey … music … is there more? … oh … scrabble
three things you want to do really badly now:
make popcorn, watch the hockey game, sleep
three careers you're considering/you've considered:
veterinarian, actor, musician
three places you want to go on vacation:
Italy, Sri Lanka, Zanzibar
three kid's names you like:
Cameron, Lena, Justin
three things you want to do before you die:
Live near water; travel through South-East Asia, understand my impact (positive or negative) on the world, if any
three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
I'm competitive; I drive, er, in a deliberate manner; I can get frustrated and impatient over little things
three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
I love to cook; I'm big on communication although I'm not always good at it; I'm more interested in talking about "feelings" and "process" than I care to admit
three celeb crushes:
Annette Bening, Emma Thompson, Angelina Jolie
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[Cross-posted from Vox.]
I must love these things … I hereby tag anyone who reads this and wants to play … this one was harder than I expected.
three physical things you like about yourself:
hair, shoulders, hands
three physical things you don’t like about yourself:
double-chin, tummy, butt
three things that scare you:
someone breaking into my home, a beloved person or pet being injured or killed in an accident, falling from a tall building
three of your favorite musical artists:
Beatles, Jane Siberry, Eric Clapton
three of your favorite songs:
only three? Is that possible?
Picture in a Frame (Tom Waits, covered by Suzie Vinnick)
Book of Love (covered by Patricia O’Callaghan)
This Is The Night (Lynn Miles)
three things you want in a relationship:
humour, truthfulness, not too many layers between superficial and substance
three lies and truths in no particular order
LIES:
There is a lid for every pot.
Love means never having to say you are sorry. (gag)
Hockey is only for boys.
TRUTHS:
Love is not everything, but it sure makes the journey easier.
Perception is reality.
I get to choose my point of view.
three physical things about sexy people that appeal to you:
Lively eyes
A “real” smile
Curves
three of your favorite hobbies:
hockey … music … is there more? … oh … scrabble
three things you want to do really badly now:
make popcorn, watch the hockey game, sleep
three careers you’re considering/you’ve considered:
veterinarian, actor, musician
three places you want to go on vacation:
Italy, Sri Lanka, Zanzibar
three kid’s names you like:
Cameron, Leah, Justin
three things you want to do before you die:
Live near water; travel through South-East Asia, understand my impact (positive or negative) on the world, if any
three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
I’m competitive; I drive, er, in a deliberate manner; I can get frustrated and impatient over little things
three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
I love to cook; I’m big on communication although I’m not always good at it; I’m more interested in talking about “feelings” and “process” than I care to admit
three celeb crushes:
Annette Bening, Emma Thompson, Angelina Jolie
[Cross-posted from Vox.]
I don't know if this is a meme or my own personal QotD … but here
goes … list 10 simple joys in life that give you a small hit of
pleasure when you experience them.
Mine would be …
1. Sunshine
2. A decent audio system (not an iPod) with good speakers and rich bass
3. A breeze through open windows
4. Soda crackers
5. Receiving a sincere smile of appreciation
6. Candle light
7. Watching baby animals cavort
8. Fresh basil
9. A hot shower
10. The scent of flowering trees in the air