Blog on Blogging
Since switching from LiveJournal to Vox, I've had a relatively blissful blogging life. By which I mean that no one has spammed, harassed or taunted me. Having had this happen at LiveJournal, I must say that I am very happy with the privacy and commenting controls that allow me to discourage such interaction here. Comments from anyone other than a "friend" must be "approved" by me before being published on my blog. No anonymous commenting is allowed here.
I read Deborah's post this morning over coffee and followed a few of her links. It seems that all is not well in the blogging world … people are being mean to each other out there. There is a movement afoot for more accountability in the blogging world – here are a few posts and articles to consider:
CupCate's post: Take Back The Blog! & Stop Wrestling With the pigs. Please note that this post includes Take Back The Blog! Day – April 28, 2007. Hm – perhaps I should post-date this entry!
The Blog Herald: Is Your Self-Worth Wrapped Up in Your Blog?
Tim O'Reilly's First Draft: Blogging Code of Conduct. I read with interest the importance of "no anonymous commenting" and "don't say anything online that you wouldn't say in person".
My own reflections on blogging (Bloggin' 2.0) when I moved from LJ to Vox last year.
The line between my online life and my concrete reality gets a bit blurry. I have off-line, "in-person" friends who read my blog but do not comment. I have off-line "in-person" friends who read and DO comment and interact with me here as well as in person. (I really love that part – mwah!) I have on-line "friends" whom I've never met but who do drop by read, and occasionally comment. (New Love finds it weird that there are people out there in the world whom I've never met in person yet refer to as "friends". 🙂 ) There are, apparently, on-line readers who lurk here.
The standards of behaviour remain the same for all of you, regardless of where we intersect. Treat yourself, and me by extension, with respect, decency, generosity and courtesy and you will get the same back from me. You may even find loyalty and affection over time. The moment I feel trashed, discarded or somehow reduced in worth, I get red flags. We will have a conversation, you and I, in private – either on-line or somewhere in the real world. At least, I'm going to try to. I have found that some people get very squirmy when they see me coming to call them on their shit. If I collect enough red flags from your less-than-respectful behaviour, I will simply back away from you. I'm too old for that shit, either on-line or in person. I just won't allow it in my life anymore. It drains me and I don't need it.
I want to underline something here. I've learned that when someone treats me badly, it is about THEM, not me. This has been a monstrously difficult lesson to learn and I do admit to having forgotten it a few times, very recently. A person being underhanded or vengeful is is acting out THEIR inability to be adult and direct – it isn't about me. It is about their own self-respect, or lack thereof.
Because I'm too old for sandbox behaviour, I have learned that it is quite okay to restrict the conditions under which crappy behaviours flourish, hence the commenting restrictions. I don't mind being called names like "control freak" for this. The label "control freak" has served me quite well over the years, actually. Don't knock it! In any case, I wouldn't invite the mudslingers to my house … therefore, I am not going to create a welcome environment for them to my blog space. I will not choose to be where they are.
I need people around me who enrich and nurture themselves and others. People who are fundamentally kind and decent, loyal and direct. People who know about personal boundaries, privacy and basic ethics. I think such people are rare. From time to time, I hope I fulfill this personal mandate myself. I strive to – I like to surround myself with others who also set these elements as a personal standard. People who, like me, may slip occasionally but who "get" that their treatment of others mirrors their own feelings of self-worth.
Am I attempting to create a cosy, frictionless little fantasy world where no one disagrees? That just hasn't been my experience. There is a world of difference between disagreement and disrespect. However, when you get down to it, shouldn't we all be building lives with people around us who will support us, rather than tear us down? Isn't this the healthier choice?
27. April 2007 at 11:46 am :
"I need people around me who enrich and nurture themselves and others.
People who are fundamentally kind and decent, loyal and direct. People
who know about personal boundaries, privacy and basic ethics."That makes total sense. We should do what we can to surround ourselves with positivity.
29. April 2007 at 3:18 pm :
I don't know how I missed this when you first posted it, but I'm glad I read it. I particularly liked what you had to say about bad behaviour being about the person who's behaving badly. It's too easy to be hurt by others. I've recently been forced to 'de-friend' someone who went on an inexplicable backstabbing rampage against me. I've put it behind me and though I understand that low self-esteem was at play, it still hurts. As for my blog, I jumped on the privacy bandwagon years ago and shut my blog down to registered friends only. Not only did I avoid comment spam problems, but I missed out on all the trolls too.
30. April 2007 at 12:37 pm :
I do love it when people take things to heart.I know the feeling – I too am too old for sandbox behaviour (well, MOST of the time)Great postGreat thoughts
7. May 2007 at 6:02 pm :
Yes, yes and yes. When people behave badly it is about them. I have had to relearn this lesson many times when people have diappointed me with their really bad behavior. Most of the time I can figure out a reason, good or bad, for what they have done. If I can do that, I can let it go. If I can't then I have to change my personal view of them to fit their behavior. This has been difficult at times to think of a person and incorperate who I thought them to be with this new information. At first it's a, "wow that's really out of character for them" then I realize it must not be out of character but is my perception that was flawed. Tough to deal with at times.