So for ages now I’ve been puttering away at upgrading my business site. Given the fragmented life I’m living at the moment, this project has suffered from “shoemaker’s children” syndrome. I’m able to offer others all kinds of advice on their site strategies. I can’t seem to focus on my own.
Nonetheless, with the able creative design work of the magnificent Pam Sloan, it all got done and launched late Sunday night. Phew!
The main business site is here. This should remain fairly stable, although I have more testimonials on the way (so I’m told) and will be adding links and clients as appropriate. The nav bar is expandable so if I have “new services” to add, that is fairly easily done.
After years of experimenting with keeping my volunteer/fundraising work under the same umbrella as my revenue-generating business site, I’ve decided this doesn’t really work. It muddies the message. So I have split this off and will house all the creative fun stuff here. This site needs the most polishing up, design and content-wise, but I wasn’t going to hold up the works, so to speak, by continuing to fiddle with it. I’m collecting photos from past productions to put into an album here, so that should be fun.
My new business blog is here. The first two entries are on a) e-mail spoofing, and b) the tension between core competency and market differentiation. I think the next one is on managing up and managing down … but I can’t be sure until I really sit down to write. 🙂 I think I’ll eventually manage about one entry per week. I have an endless number of ideas for this blog – all I need to do is become self-aware of the anecdotes that come out of my mouth like frogs and toads, in the classroom.
After one entry, the stats here were interesting to watch. 33% of the traffic generated to the site came from google searches, which is terrific. Next step here is to throw some ads up and see what happens.
It is all a grand experiment. And it keeps me off the streets.
My next blogging projects include:
a blog for one of my hockey leagues to keep everyone connected
a place for women to talk about anger
something about grocery stores in Toronto
Do stay tuned … I’ll be off the streets a while it seems …
“is it lasting?”
and in asking
the sphere becomes a line
a dotted line
and to follow it
you must make a jump each time
I’ve been quite effusive on Facebook of late about feeling “blessed”, almost to the point of absurdity. Sometimes I stumble through my day-to-day life, taking everything from my own footfalls to the air in my lungs to the structure of my life for granted. Then, I will be overcome by the enormity of the privilege I’ve been granted, through whatever miracles of DNA or circumstance or training or sheer shit luck, to live this life.
Here are some things that have struck me recently:
A Normal Day: I wake up. All my limbs, organs and muscles work. My brain gets active. My emotional life stirs. I am hungry. I am thirsty. There is food and there is water. See? I open a tap, and clean – if somewhat bleachy – water appears in endless amounts.
Doesn’t that just knock you out when that happens? If it doesn’t, it should because there are more places than I’d care to mention – including right here in Canada – where access to clean, potable water is not taken for granted, at all. No, I’m not on LSD and no I’m not going to wax poetic about the beauty of water. But, seriously, consider that the majority of the population of the world cannot do this simple thing we take for granted, many times a day. It is a humbling and precious thing, our access to water.
My normal day includes coffee and most of the time it tastes exactly as I want it to.
There is always music in my normal day, sometimes background. Sometimes foreground. Always present.
There are people to talk with, laugh with and work with. I have things to do, things to be accountable for. I’m connected in that karmic web of offering of myself and receiving, integrating and synthesizing what others offer.
There are students to learn from.
I have my own home to return to at the end of the day, providing that I left it at all. Sometimes I don’t. Both circumstances, either leaving or staying, are precious. They suggest I have purpose out in the world, and purpose within my own world.
Health, food, water, shelter, people, connection, purpose. How lucky am I?
a dotted page
a dotted hillside
a blast of dots
a blind reader
a flock of sheep
a blast of trumpet shots
here – all we have here is sky
all the sky is is blue
all that blue is is one
more colour now
My Jobs: I have many jobs, it seems. A main one and a bunch of smaller projects on the go at any one time. All stretch me creatively, organizationally. Sometimes they stretch me emotionally.
It is true, I admit it, that I have not always been grateful for my main job. I take it back. 😉 It can be stimulating, allows huge amounts of latitude and freedom, and stretches me in often unexpected ways. It offers an unusual amount of security, which is a rare thing these days.
I’m grateful for my ever-growing network that seems to answer most needs, even quite unusual ones, with the flick of a few e-mails. Some days, I feel like I only need ask and whatever it is I’m trying to generate appears. Amazing.
Each day represents new opportunity in so many ways. How lucky am I?
a basket of apples
by the back door
beneath the sweater pegs
the autumn leaves
lift along the street
a pair of dancing legs
same as the vendor
who likes to sing
as loudly as he can
and all he says is
it suits me fine
that’s the way I am
Full Weekends: I flash back to a time when I was newly single in the Big City. Tough times. The break-up caused a schism in my normally dynamic social fabric. Many of the friends I had remaining were coupled themselves – weekends were their “couple” time. I could place activity in the weekday evenings, but the weekends often yawned before me, cavernous and terrifying in the depths of loneliness they could foster.
Now, my weekends need to be managed. So much to do that is self-care (groceries, errands, meal prep for the week, domestic chores), social (hockey, market, special occasions, casual get-togethers, home-cooked meals with friends, parties) and the occasional out-of-town guest. Sometimes, I need a weekend to recover from my weekend! How lucky am I?
here – all we have here is sky
all the sky is is blue
all that blue is is one
more colour now
I’ve seen this THING
you won’t believe
why it’s big – bigger
than the biggest trees
high as the mountains
wide as the widest skies
(and that’s both sides)
well – at least as big as me
Creativity & Communication: When I was in Grade 12, I was literally forced – by my best friend and my drama teacher simultaneously – to audition for the school play. I had taken a couple years of drama classes yet really didn’t feel very confident that I had anything to offer as a performer. Being hornswoggled into this role in a production of Shaw’s Arms and the Man was a turning point.
As it turns out, I’m less than adequate as a stage actor. But something about this experience started me on an increasingly conscious journey. Becoming more and more conscious of creativity and communication as powerful forces in my life, within me and around me. Both textual and subtextual. Dermis, not epidermis.
Here is what I’m really getting at: I could dig ditches for a living, or work as a short-order cook, or drive a bus. I could do those things and they are all useful and honourable ways to earn one’s keep. But, by some miracle, at some point, my creative output-generating brain kicked into gear and I can use it instead. How lucky am I?
speak a little softer
work a little louder
shoot less with more care
sing a little sweeter
and love a little longer
and soon you will be there
here – all we have here is sky
all the sky is is blue
all that blue is is one
more colour now
Today: It is January 20, 2009 and, along with millions and millions of others, I am so grateful a new steward is in place in the United States. Someone of integrity, vision, and with the ability to inspire and mobilize a willing public. His very existence breaks countless barriers. I am alive and conscious on this day, able to have at least a glimmer of understanding of how momenteous this shift is in America. How lucky am I?
these are some reasons
and same as the seasons
they hold and then they fly
the goatless ledge
‘neath the honkless geese
in the speckless sky
the speckless sky
I hear you
I hear you
I hear you
Posted on January 15, 2009 by Venus in blogging, food
Possibly. I’ll let you decide.
The CheapEats Toronto Blog (go there NOW if you are even remotely interested in food in Toronto) recently re-purposed some content from another blog. Specifically, a TED presentation, about 16 minutes long, about the history and evolution of Chinese food in the United States. I’d love to see a Canadian analysis along the same lines someday. Funny and fascinating.
So I added two new bits to my blogroll. Cate and Ali are writing about knitting here. Except “writing about knitting” doesn’t really quite capture what is going on. Especially here.
I just discovered my neighbour’s blog, Seizure Salad, and really enjoyed it. It is from this blog that I steal the following link to a site called We Feel Fine. I need to spend much more time here and I just can’t this morning. It is the kind of site that can suck you in, bouncing, in my case, between the output of the methodology and the methodology itself. Bouncing between looking at the results, and wondering how the heck they did that.
In short, this site trolls the Internet, specifically blogs, every 10 minutes, looking for instances of the phrases “I feel” and “I am feeling”. It then presents the data in a sort of kaliedescope that a site visitor clicks on, randomly, and is presented with the snippet of blog that corresponds to the randomly selected point. A marriage of mathematics and art.
I must send this link to my friend, Bill Ralph, who produces art with algorithms. Fascinating.
Although, I suppose knitting is also art + mathematics, si?
There are times in my life in which the days are so very full. My head is full. There are lists everywhere. People wait … wait for me to do something, produce something, finish something, say something. Respond. Focus. In this state, I let people down. I get a lot done, but not as much as I imagine possible. I am present, “in the moment”, and some odd combination of frustrated and excited. I learn yet I do not reflect.
And I ask myself why I let things get this way. Some inner voice pipes up with, “I don’t want to miss anything!” I remember one of my favourite truisms … “successful” people, self-starters, get involved in a lot of different things. Some of them work out.
There are times in my life when the days stretch out lengthwise, hollow and long, like a curved tunnel off a turnpike. Just the slightest of curves means you can’t see the end. Different things make me busy and fewer people are waiting. This feels good for a while, a relief, and then it makes me nervous, a bit.
And I ask myself why I let things cool off. Some inner voice pipes up with “I don’t want to miss anything!” Because, in the whirl of activity, I miss things. A gesture, a tone, a sentiment … meaning.
I just don’t want to miss anything. And I know I do.
And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
Wife
And you may ask yourself-well…how did I get here?
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the moneys gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the moneys gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…
Water dissolving…and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the moneys gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? …am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
My god!…what have I done?
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the moneys gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…
Suzanne sent this link along in her annual New Year’s e-mail message. I think it is sweet and profound and definitely worth a few minutes of your time. (Thanks, Suzanne!)
Unlike many women who obsess about shoes and handbags, I own only one pair of winter boots. I wear my Blundstones on occasion when it isn’t too cold but, of late, they just don’t have
Kodiaks and Blundstones
the insulative quality that I’m looking for in a winter boot. Kodiaks do. This is the first time I’ve owned winter boots with laces. And probably the last. They are too fussy to get on and off, I find.
And yet, with my commitment to a simpler life, I’m determined to make do with these boots for at least the balance of this winter. They are warm, they grip the ice and snow well – kinda like snow tires – and are relatively leak-proof. The laces are a pain in the ass because they get wet with the salt runoff and then stiffen into a board-like state, making them almost impossible to do up. When they get wet, the laces also swell up and get caught in the eyelets which, as you can see from Photo Exhibit A, has subsequently caused the laces to come apart, with the outer sleeve tearing away from the inner core. Unacceptable.
I have taken as long as 10 minutes to get my boots on this winter, fiddling with laces that won’t move through eyelets and generally getting exasperated. This is also unacceptable. I dropped into a dollar store yesterday to pick up some new laces, and here is really where my story begins.
As I was coming home from the store with the laces, I was picturing how I’d like to sit comfortably inside by the fireplace, perhaps with a cup of something nice, and rip out the nasty old laces and put in the thinner, sleeker new laces that won’t cause me so much trouble. In my mind, I could see myself seated on the couch, boots on a few layers of old newspapers, old laces coming out, music in the background, coffee by my side … hold on … wait a sec …
I do not own any old newspapers.
Frankly, my mother would be appalled at the fact that my house does not have in it, somewhere, a stack of recently purchased, thoroughly read, occasionally chopped up (coupons and articles removed), scribbled on, slightly crumpled newspapers. Because of our routine with newspapers, Mom would cover our kitchen table regularly with a colourful rubbery plastic tablecloth cover, secured below with a staple gun. (Clearly, Mom wasn’t as precious about her table as I am about her bowl.) This table cover would quickly develop a greyish dull film on it in the spot where she, and I, would pour over the newspaper. Once finished, the newspaper, now broken into sections, subsections and occasionally wimpy surviving pages, would be roughly folded and added to the top of the pile of previously enjoyed newspapers. These newspapers then moved on into a rich second life. Most were used as impromptu floor coverings. On the farm, people were constantly coming in and out the back door, four seasons a year, with VERY mucky boots. If it was a quick trip, to grab some useful thing from inside, the most efficient way to get in and out without making a huge mess on the floor was to grab a stack of papers, make a trail to where you needed to go, and carry on, making sure one always kept one’s feet on the papers. If there was a potluck or church dinner and something hot was being taken there, like a casserole, it got wrapped securely in newspapers. Mom swore by using crumpled newspapers to clean windows, claiming that they were the only thing to leave windows streak free. She may have been right about that actually, but I do remember my hands being black after our window cleaning sessions.
We were all well-trained to take newspapers from the bottom of the pile, not the top – in case there was something useful that we needed from the most recent edition of the newspaper.
If I had a newspaper handy, I’d take a picture of it and put it right here. But I do not. Haven’t for ages.
Why? Well, the Internet versions don’t make my hands as black as the hard copy does. But, in truth, I go and read single newspaper articles, usually that are forwarded to me. This is different than sitting down, purposefully, daily, and thumbing through a document that tells me what happened and what some people think about what happened. And Ann Landers (RIP). And Peanuts. And the horoscope. It is a simple pleasure, and as much as I miss it, I think subscribing again would be a mistake. I can’t imagine when I’d have time, every day, to do this.
I could make time on Sundays, occasionally, for a juicy weekend edition of something. Besides, one never knows when one might need to change the laces on one’s boots, or take a casserole to a friend’s party. I should have some newspapers around … just in case.
According to this site, I’ve been alive for 16,537days!
My 10,000th day was February 13, 1991.
My 15,000th day was October 22, 2004.
My 20,000th day will be July 1, 2018.
My 25,000th day will be March 9, 2032.
My 30,000th day will be November 18, 2045.
My 35,000th day will be July 31, 2059.
Based on this, I estimate the following:
15,260 days – The number of days Julie Andrews has been on my radar.
13,434 – The number of days since I first picked up a guitar.
11,792 – The number of days of my longest active friendship.
9,237 – The number of days I’ve been a one or two cup a day coffee drinker. Wow – that could mean as many as 18,474 cups of coffee. Just a sec while I set up the coffee maker for cups 18,475 and 18,476.
8,631 – The number of days I’ve been “out” as a lesbian. At least to myself. More than half of my days, now.
8,393 – The number of days since I was last physically intimate with a male partner.
8,242 – The number of days since my first (of o so many) bone-crushingly achingly painful heart-break. (Cue Melissa Etheridge.)
4,589 – The number of days since the first time I saw Julie Andrews perform live on Broadway! 🙂
3,989 – The number of days since my creative mentor, Warren, died.
3,912 – The number of days since my sweet (ha!) Sidney, cat of 1,000 dreams, soulcat, hellcat, myforevercat, was euthanized due to complications resulting from feline diabetes. He was approximately 5,475 days old.
3,869 – The number of days that have passed since my Mom died. (It was a bad few months, early 1998. The days number off the same, but they sure felt heavier then.)
3,464 – The number of days since I went to the UK for the first time and discovered my lovely lesbian cousin with the same name as me!
2,604 – The number of days since the end of my last long-term relationship.
1,642 – The number of days I’ve been living at my current location.
54 – The number of days I was alive before John F. Kennedy was shot. For some reason, I’ve always wanted to know that number. 🙂
One of the odd little perks of being a habitual blogger is that you have a record of time passing, reminders of how things were, how they felt. Perhaps some wouldn’t see this as a perk – I do. Sometimes, I go way back. I like to see trends, shifts. Threads of commonality. I counted my blessings at the end of 2005 and 2006.
At the beginning of 2006, I talked about having an “everything, extra pickle” kind of year. See, the thing is, I’ve never really let go of this image as something I want to hang onto in my life.
Everything, Extra Pickle
It was New Year’s Eve and I hadn’t yet developed the head cold. I was planning a party for the evening and, as you do, I thought, “I need a new drill before the party.” Thus, I found myself at Homo Depot around lunch time on New Year’s Eve. If memory serves, I had skipped breakfast that day thinking vaguely that I’d be stuffing myself will all manner of food and drink later in the day. Of course, by lunch I was starving. I found the “drilla” my dreams – not a wimpy cordless piece of crap this time – and wandered over to the Harvey’s lunch counter. When asked what I wanted on my burger, I responded as I always do … “Everything, extra pickle”. In some ways, I’m so predictable.
I sat down at one of those little plastic table/chair things and unwrapped my prize burger, piled high with goodies. Somewhere around the second bite of a Harvey’s burger with “everything, extra pickle”, the juices from all the condiments and the extra pickle can’t help but start running down one’s palm, trickling down the wrist and eventually the forearm unless you are quick with the napkin. Eating an “everything, extra pickle” burger can be a full body experience, if you let it, involving all the senses. If you let it.
I decided then and there that I wanted this to be my theme for 2006 – I want an “everything, extra pickle” kind of year. When this year is over, I want to have to take a shower from being covered with all the run-off from the tasty, indulgent, spontaneous treats I discover. Especially the tangy pickles that cross my path.
There is something in this image, for me, about having a sense of sensual abundance even in the simple everyday moments. And about being in the moment, and “getting the joy of it”, in the moment.
At the beginning of 2008, I didn’t do a “counting blessings” post. The end of 2007/beginning of 2008 was difficult, save for the scrumptious trip to Mexico at Christmas 2007. That was a welcome break. At the beginning of 2008, I was gearing up to quit my one and only contract, an extremely lucrative one, with no specific prospects in sight that appealed to me. It was a mental health decision, weighing my self-esteem and healthy self image against very satisfying financial gain. There are some things I can’t stomach and having an abusive supervisor who is threatened by me for some reason is one of them. It was a very very tenuous entry into 2008. Instead of a “counting blessings” post, I did a reflective retrospective via Kaivalya’s format.
2008 has felt momentous in so many ways. The only way in which I am not in a better place now than I was a year ago is financial, and I’m committed to changing that in 2009, damn the economic torpedos! Which brings me to my resolutions for 2009.
Resolutions for 2009
November, 2008
To continue with my body alteration project and reach my target weight loss of 90 lbs. To date, just prior to the holiday food fest, I had lost 69.5 lbs. This project started on June 29, 2007. Over this past summer, I added strength training and regular cardio to my hockey-playing routines. Thus, my body has significantly re-shaped itself and the weight loss probably looks more dramatic than it actually is. Although 69.5 lbs isn’t anything to sneeze at. I’m happy with that, and very happy with my changed diet and activity routines that make it possible. I do want the full 90 lbs, though. I’ll get there in 2009. (Thanks, Miriam, for the great crop on this pic!)
To end 2009 in a better financial position than it begins. To be specific, I will have created avenues for “passive” income via my various online ventures. More on this later. I have more resources at hand than your average person to make this happen. I write, I observe, I teach. People seem to like to read what I write. I can parlay these elements to my financial advantage while also feeling fulfilled creatively, by having an outlet for expression, while also “doing good by doing well”. This is my ultimate personal integration project, I think. Stay tuned. 🙂
This seems a good point for a Melissa Ferrick quote, dontcha think? MF has this great song, Everything I Need Is Right Here In My Hands. I remember hearing this while at the depths of a deep depression following my “divorce”. This would be early 2002. She reminded me of one of the most important lessons my mother taught me – that the only person I can count on is me, and that I possess all the tools I need to succeed. I need for nothing. It lifted me then, while in the depths. Now, when absolutely everything in my life looks rosy, except for that niggly long-term financial outlook, it reminds me again that I am so very blessed with everything I need to look after myself and be happy. I need only to trust myself, my instincts and my abilities.
Well I got money in the bank
And I got a car to drive
And I got a working set of hands
That my guitar seems to like
Cause I got a love that won’t quit
And I got time to rest
And I got a clear and able mind that sees my life
Going fine
Yay
Cause everything I need
Is right here in my hands
Right here in my hands
Right here in my hands
Everything I need
Is right here in my hands
Right here in my hands
Right here in my hands
Everything I need
And I got a floor to dance on
And I got a phone to laugh in
And I got a tub to cry in
And I got a bed to hide in
Oh but sometimes I only see what’s wrong
Sometimes I’m convinced my god has up and gone
I’ll never write a hit song
My love is going to leave me
Hanging
Hey
But everything I need
Is right here in my hands
Right here in my hands
Right here in my hands
OK – enough with the musical interlude … back to the resolution programming …
To continue to grow my hair longer. My hair is longer now than it has EVER been! It is wild woman hair! It falls in my face when I least expect it to and, lately, against the back of my neck, especially when I’m at the gym. This has never happened before. I’ve never felt my hair against the back of my neck. I have no idea how this is going to turn out and I guess that is the point. Referring to the “trust” element in the note above, I just need to trust that my new-found comfort level with longer hair is going to take me in the right direction. (And, it’s kinda fun, this longer hair … 🙂 )
To read more. Seems almost every year I resolve to read more and I just don’t seem to make it happen. I miss it and it has been missing from my life since tackling the MBA (too much reading!), coinciding with the invasion of the Internet into my life. The natural “reading” time for me, bedtime, means that I can read about a page and a half before keeling over. As I start to snooze and drift, I find myself reading the same paragraph over and over and getting not one ounce of meaning from it. Frustrating. My days are too busy and to filled with other “noise” and information for me to “make time” for this. And there are SO MANY books on my shelf that require my attention. Dammit … I must make this happen!
To take what I’ve learned these past few years and continue to be strong with regard to who I let into my life, and who I do not. I’ve been too trusting in the past and kept “friends” close to me who really were not friends. It is sometimes a really really hard call. I’m getting better at it. I need to keep getting better at it.
To live a simpler existence. I “own” too much. I have too many “things”. I throw things away too easily, opting to replace rather than repair. By the end of this year, I want my living space and storage locker to have the “stuff” in them reduced by at least 50%, and to have given away or donated all of it. Before I toss anything that is broken, I will consider having it repaired. I’m so tired of my “stuff”.
Reflective Meme:
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
In January, I walked away from the most lucrative “job” I’ve ever had. I was asked to return in various forms (short-term retainer, facilitating meetings, one-off projects….) making the ending of that relationship quite jagged. But, in the end, it ended. And I’m better for it. I still remember the level of gut-wrenching anxiety I had about this, exactly one year ago today. I realize I’m almost taking this day “off” as an anniversary of sorts to write and reflect on just how strong and brave this decision was. I have turned down opportunities before. This was the clearest, strongest choice I’ve ever made in favour of “me” vs. “money”.
I also went on a cycling trip around Manitoulin Island that was pretty darn cool.
I bought and wore a dress for the first time in 25 years. OK, that isn’t “never”, but pretty darn close! I actually wore it twice. By choice. On purpose. Whoa.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions?
According to this post, my resolutions for 2008 were as follows:
– continue to work towards my optimal weight target and, as I get there, work on conditioning the healthy body I’ve been blessed with.
– work on self-confidence. Seriously. Present circumstances have dealt me a serious blow in this area and I need to work on getting my mojo back, so to speak.
– more music in my life … more reading … move towards a simpler existence
I did well with the first two and part of the third. The optimal weight target is so much closer, and I’m in much better condition than I’ve been since I was 18. I’m feeling stronger and more confident, for sure. I’ve had more music this year than in previous years – check. My previous note about reading speaks for itself. A simpler existence? Hm. I’ve had moments of this but, wow, it sure feels like a stronger impulse now – hence the related resolution.
3. Did someone close to you give birth?
No.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. (Knock on wood.)
5. What countries did you visit?
Barbados.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Last year, I answered this with these words: A sense of personal stability, confidence. Happily, I managed this. In 2009, I need to top it off with a better financial picture.
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Bringing my total weight loss to 69.5 lbs.
8. What was your biggest failure?
Losing interest /momentum in self-employment. I think I’m just not cut out to do it full-time. Also, my pastry-making skills suck.
9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thankfully, no.
10. What was the best thing you bought?
My new watch. Both of them. Also, there are some new clothes that are pretty cool to wear.
11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Gosh – where do I start? So many people I admire in my life. The following people deserve the Venus Award of Merit for Bravery in 2008:
Danica
Cheryl
Ewa
Miriam
(Remember … fortune favours the brave!)
The Venus Award of Merit for Complexity Grounded in Humanity goes to Cate.
The Venus Award of Merit for Most Adorable New Couple goes to Rhonda and Mary-Ann.
The Venus Award of Merit for Keeping One’s Sanity, Intelligence and Compassion Against All Odds goes to Angela.
The Venus Award of Merit for Perseverance In The Face of Crap goes to Hillary Clinton.
The Venus Award of Merit for Surprising the Hell out of Me (in a good way) goes to my brother David.
12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
There are a few in my personal life. Names aren’t important. No Awards for YOU!
John McCain, Sarah Palin and the entire Republican caucus get a giant raspberry. Those who supported Proposition 8 in California have forgotten the meaning of the word “freedom” and “equality” – I feel both pity and anger when I think of them.
13. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage.
14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Barbados.
Pride. Before, during and after. 🙂
Working @ MaRS.
Manitoulin Island.
Planning my next business morphing.
Christmas.
New Year’s. 🙂
15. What song will always remind you of 2008?
This one is easy – Viva La Vida!!! Although I tend to say it, “Viva La Vida, baby!”
16. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Happier. (phew) ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner! 🙂
iii. richer or poorer? Financially poorer, but this is a temporary situation. Emotionally, socially, spiritually? So much richer.
17. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Reading.
18. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying.
19. How did you spend Christmas?
I did a lot of baking and had some lovely social times leading up to Christmas, including a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner. My family arrived for Christmas Dinner on the day itself – eight of us here and I cooked the whole thing. I hosted a lively little party here on Boxing Day. Loved the whole thing!
20. Any one-night stands?
Not exactly. Actually, no – I’m going to say no to this. Except … well … This is harder to answer than it looks at first glance!
21. What was your favorite TV program?
Don’t really watch TV. Still love watching West Wing on DVD. I’m a creature of habit.
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is an ugly word and I don’t have room for it in my life. Are there people who have plummeted in terms of my opinion of them? Yes. Does this make me sad? Yes. Am I in mourning for them as part of my life? No. This is the part that has shifted for me. They can return anytime they decide to accept me as I am rather than trying to force me to be someone I’m not.
23. What was the best book you read?
Sad to say, I didn’t finish, to the end, a single book. I started many. The one I enjoyed the most and am still trying to find time to finish is called Hold Me Tight and is about the complex emotional territory of relationships, specifically, life partnerships. What I like about this book is that it asks us to set aside our obsession with the concept of emotional co-dependence. Personally, I think any human behaviour, taken to extremes, can be regarded as a pathology. I also think we have gotten carried away with pathologizing our own complex human behaviours. When we start getting suspicious of people “needing” other people, especially within a life partnership, then something has gone haywire. By the time one has reached a place of partnership with another person, it should – I think – feel like you’ve reached a comfortable interdependence. A mutual “needing” at some emotional place. This isn’t pathology – this is life. And, one hopes, love. I like the way this book approaches this topic, asking couples to draw closer together and find comfort and safety in the “needing” rather than ask them to stand apart in individual analysis and to question their own humanity and vulnerability.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I re-discovered ColdPlay when their new CD came out. Also discovered the Puppini Sisters and have been recently turned on to Queen Latifah.
In preparation for my birthday party, I had such fun downloading artists from my past from iTunes and assembling their tunes into playlists. The Pretenders. Talking Heads. David Bowie. Huey Lewis and the News. I’m just LOVING having this stuff on my iPod.
25. What did you want and get?
New watch. Twice. But I’m not bitter.
26. What did you want and not get?
See previous whining about financial stability.
I wish there was a category for “smartest decision of the year” in which case I would answer “going back to teach at the college”. Given the current economic times, I can’t imagine trying to drum up work to keep myself going, especially since I dislike that part so much. Teaching pays less than consulting, thus my current angst. This too shall pass.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 45. Had an awesome party, as one should when one turns 45, I think.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I honestly can’t think of a single thing. (except for the resolution of that niggling money thing … I sense I’m not alone with this particular issue)
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Triceps.
31. What kept you sane?
Remembering, sometimes quite specifically and dramatically, everything my mother taught me. Except, I should have been paying much closer attention during Pastry-Making 101.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Emma Thompson. I mentally toss my undies and hotel room key at the screen whenever she is on it.
33. What political issue stirred you the most?
The US Election, particularly when Hillary and Obama were facing off. I found the media’s treatment of Hillary to be abysmal and shockingly retrograde. Obama rocks, don’t get me wrong, but the vilification of Hillary showed us how far we have to go to have women regarded as fully qualified people with actual leadership qualities.
34. Who do you miss?
My mom.
Warren.
35. Who was the best new person you met?
This is an impossible question to answer as 2008 has brought a host of new, vibrant, amazing, breath-taking and beautiful people to my life. I am truly blessed. An embarassment of riches, one might say.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
This was the year of making peace with some of my control issues. Of letting go of a lot of them. Of learning to take big risks again and knowing, ahead of time, that I could live with any outcome. Of remembering that fulfilled expectations aren’t as important as the journey one takes towards them. Of taking it as it comes. Of “living the life” that is at once my own creation and a bundle of serendipitous coincidences and bolts from the blue.
